omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
