She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
