Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
