walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
