I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
