when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize