I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
