I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
