I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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