yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
