I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
