If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
