I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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