1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
