I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
