Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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