We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
