I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
