I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
