i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
