so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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