i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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