No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
