At least make sure they are 18
Why
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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