hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
