SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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