Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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