So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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