I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
