I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
