Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
