mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
