i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
