Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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