this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
