Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
