So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
