Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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