i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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