His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
