dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
