K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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