He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
