No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
