Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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