One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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