But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
