And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
