Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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