i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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