I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize