just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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