god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
