I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
