You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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