She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
