this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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