I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
