Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
