She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
