Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
