My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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