and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
