I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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