Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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