she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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