"it" just moved
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
