first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
